The house that Peterbilt

Name forthcoming, as are a few finishing aspects.

#55ish at 27′

$tart $aving

Last night I delved deep into the realms of our economic collapse. Most of the reading and listening was done on the Signs of the Times page. These folks have been tracking the signs for years, and have been studying, scientifically, the current situation on many levels. Either you are very concerned, or soon will be. Either way it is worth while to listen to. In fact, it’s so obvious now that the naysayers are even getting on board with the “yup, it really does suck” program.

That’s some pretty heavy stuff though. I know most of us have been talking about (and preparing for) eschatological events for years, but now that there is a pile of evidence exponentially growing by the day, to the point where it is permeating nearly every nook of culture, shit is getting serious.

After hours of economic study, well past my bedtime, I decided to pull myself out of the rabbit hole once I started reading about Nazi Germany and how people responded to poverty during all that madness (the American/Nazi parallels have already been drawn, so I will refrain from doing so here)

Needless to say, I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth. As we know, like attracts like, and so today turned out to be a study about money in my personal life.

It’s rent day of course, and the phone bill arrived, electric is on the way, gas tank was on “E” this morning (it is now “sub-E”,) my weekly trip to buy food was scheduled today, and I ordered some necessary supplies for class that will be arriving soon, along with a request for money from the fellow that used his card for the purchases. As usual, the stress creeps in before you know it, and then thinking becomes restricted, as does the breath. I planned things pretty well out here: I got a job within my given window of time, except they only pay once a month….and I started at the beginning of the pay period. Now I even worked in a buffer so that I wouldn’t have to worry about such situations, except I did not plan for the house burning down and the landlord thus far refusing to give me back my deposit, nor has he even given me the rest of that months rent back. I had an interview today (even though I already have a job) and it was one of the best interviews I’ve ever had…..except they don’t have any openings right now. Within moments of being in my presence, someone near me said that I seemed down. “Why yes, I am” When I work in a way that I consider hard for things that I consider important and then they start to evaporate, I may just feel a bit pissy about the situation. As most everyone does, I tend to fight against some of the best opportunities I have in my life to improve myself. They seem scary. I enjoy paying 15-25 dollars a week for yoga, I enjoy being able to drive as much as I want, I enjoy being able to buy $50 is groceries if I want to. But where is happiness without these comforts that we hold so dearly? These comforts are nearly all dependent on an economy that we can see is destined to collapse, so too then is our happiness. I’ve asked the question of people “what are you going to do when you can’t run down to the grocery store for food?” I’ve asked this almost as justification for my study into survival skills. As the School of Metaphysics’ goal states, in part, “…peace, contentment, and security not dependent on any person, place, or thing.” That is really what we are striving to attain. We are literally training for what some call the Apocalypse. This is not a joke. It is not a cute way of making ourselves sound important or glorious. It is real. So why is it that I get fussy when my total financial situation can be summed up in two digits, with obligations totaling more than that on the way? I need that practice, WE need that practice. If this year is about learning grace, then I better be damn well rounded by the end of it. When one considers most of history, there is clearly the majority that make up the “have-nots.” This is where the power lay, not the control, the power. We generally live a way more luxurious life than we can imagine, but we certainly don’t act like it, nor could we until we really have something personal to compare it to….. enter poverty. What else could we ask for than to be a happy human being in as many situations as possible? Who is the best person to have around when things go downhill in your life? Perhaps someone who has been around the block and back, someone who has lived a hard life and knows where happiness truly lays. This is something they mention in the audio file I linked to above. Poverty stricken Russians, after the fall of their state, had a few legs up on us. They often times already lived together, they had that tight network of friends and family that was more communal in nature…..something that is largely necrotic here in the US. The lowest class in the aftermath of Katrina were the ones who set up networks the quickest. Those of you in Indy, consider the level of camaraderie that will be established by the oft-reference Carmel housewives, versus those predominately black neighborhoods that are USED to not having enough money for even the basic essentials in life. Do you think that anyone in Africa, for example, will feel sorry for us when thousands of people in America are dying each day from starvation? as individuals and humans, yes, but as a nation? Perhaps that is the beginning of our understanding of equality, not so much lifting others up to what we consider proper standards, but everyone really experiencing the pain and suffering of being a human. Maybe only then can we really learn that our peace, contentment and security are NOT dependent on any person, place, or thing….no matter how much we claim otherwise. Only then can we all share in not only what we don’t have, but what we Truly have. Then there will not be a global majority controlled by a ethnic specific minority. Those who have control do not always have true power. Those who have power, do not always have the control to use it. All of my life I remember thinking that I should feel bad for the things that are happening all across the globe, and for those billions of people that have died unjustly throughout history. All of my life I’ve had difficulty actually doing so….because when I walked out of my door it was sunshine and lollipops, whether I wanted to admit that or not. The fact is, those who I admire most rose out of some seriously fucked up situations and was then able to spread their word……or as the christians say “The Good Word.” It’s simply about knowledge of self, as a creator, as being of love, as being completely able to sit between both Master Jesus and Master Buddha at the feet of the Divine. We’ve created this situation, and now we get to experience it. We get to learn it and know it. We will own it and have authority. We will then be able to claim our birthright, our throne, our own Christhood. We view it as suffering, as loosing something from our lives, as being punished. In reality, it is a gift. I am learning how to breathe through more and more difficult situations, this is one thing that Yoga teaches us, it is also the key to maintaining that stillness of mind that is required to operate with peace, contentment, and security….not dependent on any person, place, or thing. I now have the opportunity to become more powerful than before. The illusions appear to leave scars as they are torn away, they are really just openings for Spirit to shine through.

We have all chosen this place and time to exist. I have attracted certain people, places, and things into my life so that I may fulfill my highest good. Heading to MT was clearly in alignment with my ideal self, as is every experience I am offered, or create.

Perhaps I’m picking up this blog thing well, as words have flowed freely this evening. A bit tangential perhaps, but a necessary decompression. I think Joshua will be proud. And thank you Lnor for helping with the trigger.

Please give the SOTT site a read, there are layers upon layers, and that audio link is one of dozens featured on their “podcast” page….try devoting some time in your day to expanding you understanding of the current state of affairs. Think of it as a healthy replacement or supplement to the bullshit that is written in most newspapers and talked about on TV….These people don’t get paid, in fact they had to move outside of the US for their own safety. But don’t get too deep without a long walk in the woods. Keep it balanced my friends. Once this mess evaporates, there will still be the sacred wilderness.

Shuna.

er.

….and it’s past my bedtime again

(that’s our house with the red metal roof)

Felonious Monks

This month has seen an enormous increase in my red meat consumption. This should make most of you proud. If it doesn’t, perhaps you should be re-evauluating why it is you associate with me…

This also just happens to coincide with an abundance of mule deer meat, a bit of elk, and plenty of good ol’ bovine.

It is also happens to coincide with the regular physical training we’ve been engaging in. General conditioning good for the hunter/gatherer in each of us, it just so happens that it is also a good apocalypse regime that includes a hot yoga (Bikram’s) as well as an amazing method of training referred to generally as CrossFit. And as you know, simply working skills can be quite a day’s worth of work.

I started working the outer bark off of a Robinia pseudoacacia stave. Got down to the spring growth, which was a beautiful swirling of an almost blackish color with a soft yellow, and determined that it should be taken down to a ring based on some checking around small knots. As we slept next to each other, she started talking to me (which I normally don’t mind) but she was making cracking noises. Some big ugly checks parted grain in my beautiful ring and after a consultation with the bossman we decided to split out two halves right next to each other and splice ‘em end to end. It had already been quite a journey to get to that point, and it was not shaping up to be quite what the bow had told me it wanted to be while in meditation. Two days later, I was told over the phone that it “shit the bed.” Big ol’ cracks on the fresh end-cut, and through the outer ring. Apparently it still had a great deal of moisture in it. Time for a new stave. That one will be returned to in a few weeks after all the remaining moisture is out. Today I met the Ulmus Rubra and we’ve already been getting along fantastically. Down to a ring and sketched out the body already. It’ll be poking holes in no time….

The bones are piling up on the porch (perhaps this sounds familiar to anyone who has lived with me…) and I’ve determined that the hole in my muffler actually increases the engines performance. It’s basically a win-win situation.

Lunar eclipse this Wednesday/Thursday. I hope your sky is as big (and pollution free) as mine.

crumbs

Surely lots of thoughts and details have been left out of the telling of that story. Many things happened that night, many quite subtle. In fact, even the order of events might change the next time I tell it. Time takes on a different quality, as you know, in those situations.

Anyhow, some of us got together at another house that we moved into two days ago. Really a beautiful location in the hills/mountains, and closer to the shop. No cell phone reception, but there will be a landline before too long.

I’ll send out an e-mail with the new address. If you don’t get it, but want it, shoot me an e-mail or comment and I’ll get it along to ya.

Let it burn

8 days into my new house, January 21 (a fellow Yamabushi/housemates 21st birthday). Full Moon. -20F degree temperatures. About 1 1/2 hour into the new day and fast asleep…..and a non Yamabushi housemate throws open the bedroom door and yells to get up and get out, the house is on fire. Then he heads in to the basement where there is no other way out but the stairs where a couple and another fellow are all sleeping. A bit of confusion ensues and a flurry of “what do I need to do right now?” type thoughts fly by. Out into the snow and thigh high drifts, less than appropriately dressed, I run to the neighbor, and owner of both houses. No answer and no lights respond to my banging. Back to the house and I run by another housemate on the phone with 911 to go help fight the fire. What!?! Only one fire extinguisher in this house? That didn’t even make a dent! (How many do you have on hand?) So shoveling snow it is. A cop shows up and we greet him gruffly and grab his small extinguisher as he stands in the street watching us….. Another cop shows up, she actually comes back to help us. I run up to the third car pulling up, and as he lazily gets out of his car I yell at him to give me his extinguisher “I don’t have one” he exclaims just as casually. So now we’ve got a roof on fire, a mechanical room blazing, 5 people under-dressed that have been in the -20 snowy yard battling for a house that isn’t ours for nearly 30 minutes and a few cops standing around by their cars in the road. Sound frustrating?

We abandon our efforts as it is quite hopeless now, and surely the fire department will be here soon. Time to grab a few belongings out of our rooms. It’s amazing how little you actually feel like grabbing in this situation. Some money, warm clothes, the computer, and that’s about it. I put it in the car, run back into my room, look around at what else to grab and say “fuck it.” I leave empty handed. Now the fire is really not that close to my room at this point, but it is smoky as can be, and quite a caustic smoke at that. As the lifesaving housemate runs by with his gun cases and boxes of ammo the fire trucks start rolling up. You really wouldn’t have known that they weren’t actually a volunteer department as they confusingly stepped up to the porch and were briefed by someone who may or may not have been in charge by what it was they were to do; but at least they weren’t just standing in the road like the cops. You could tell that despite lack of training or awareness, they did have the intention of at least trying to make sure that everyone was okay and that the house didn’t consume itself. By this point many more vehicles had shown up. 6 or 7 engines, another half dozen law enforcement, and a fire chief. Aforementioned gun toting housemate jumps on board and starts helping them pull hoses as the first team stumbles into the house. More equally confused people start wandering around or just hanging out as we all stand in the driveway trying to make sense of what is happening. Finally a sheriff comes by and asks us how many of us there actually were and if we are all present and doing allright. The owner of our house woke up and came over, and an older couple from the Red Cross shows up and gets all of our names and makes sure we’ve got a place to stay the night. Another hour of all this goes by and we can finally go back into the house and pull out some other stuff from our rooms, and haul a bit into the detached garage for storage. Up to the Yamabushi house for a surprise crash visit….

Some details that didn’t quite find their way into the story so far: The fire was apparently started by some of the framing and insulation being too close to the chimney (aka: code violations). It was a very large fireplace that was used exclusively to heat our entire house, via fans and ductwork that was in a small room behind the chimney, so the fires had certainly been pretty hot ones since day one (sometime in the late 60’s) The insulation was wood chips coated with a fire retardant chemical that wears off after about 25 years. The charring had undoubtedly been happening for years, it just happened to occur in our presence. So it made the jump from the chimney (it was not a chimney fire) to the framing and insulation, and up all over the attic and roof, and slowly across the house soon there after. We’ve not read the official statement yet, but that’s what we either witnessed or were told by firemen on the scene. We met with some very nice folks at a Red Cross office the next day and got three nights in fairly nice hotel, and each a $50 debit card for food.

Just like breaking down in IL, we were given the opportunity to get to know the other students at the Yama. house that much better as we stayed there in their basement until the end of the month.

We had been working on fire all day, literally. Bow drill in the morning, afternoon, and evening. Billy told us to quite thinking about things so hard. Either that or we need a class on manifesting money.

I am happy to say that I really felt quite graceful with the entire scenario, from watching the house burn, the finding our new house. Most stress would have arose after the fire, while trying to find a house that fits our needs: cheap rent, a landlord cool with a cat and a month to month lease, and soon. But as previously experienced with my delays getting out here: it’s all in alignment. The fire was obviously carefully planned (by God knows who…) and so too will our next dwelling. I think I may’ve even annoyed the other folks a bit by my “No, we get to find another house today” attitude (as opposed to the “oh my, we’ve got to find a house right now” mentality that we were all battling)

If 2006’s theme was about holding that loving open space for self, full of unstable potential (aka, the split with miss A) and 2007 was all about Passion and its evil twin Apathy, then 2008 is about Grace. I realized that the other day, it was one of those thoughts that pops into the noggin with such a quality that you know it’s come from high. That has really been the theme this year so far, rolling with the happenings. Keeping the balance between really focusing on what it is you want to manifest in your life, yet being just as open and positive to everything else that comes in. Grace. Even keel and irie all along.

(Interpreted that one in the Universal Language of Mind, really pretty neat huh?)

Row fisherman Row

E’m catching up

new to blogs? start at the bottom and read upwards, it’ll make more sense. I just got some things settled and now have the time to start sharing. More to come in the near future. I’ve not any previous experience with a web log, so this will surely change around a bit.

Thank you for keeping in touch. I love it and it helps. Shoot comments, e-mails, phone calls, packages, ect my way if you wish; but the address I left behind (7610, s. 19th) is no longer a functioning addy….again, one is soon to follow.

A rival

After a wonderful trip with, by that point, a good friend (and a birthday neighbor! (March 17th)) we arrive in Bozeman, Montana…Saturday night. Straight to the Yamabushi house, where the shop/class space is, and everybody, plus some, is there. Some very confusing planning takes place and we are swept by my new house on 19th to drop a load, and then off into the country to a hot springs. My soul must’ve still been in South Dakota, and my body was exhausted after the straight through trip; the water washed away some tension and was medicine in the most timely manner. On the way back into town and we really set the stage for the course….our first group felony. Ahh….I love exploring new group dynamics.

Plenty more interpersonal exploration in the first few days in class, and some more now that all the Yamabushi from the 19th st. house are living in the primary house, on account of ours being unlivable after a fantastic house fire. That story to follow in the future.

Leav(en)ing

On the eve of the appointed day of departure I spoke with my, then unknown, traveling companion in Illinois. We both agreed that we could use an extra 24 hours to get things squared away. On Tuesday, the rescheduled day, I rigged what I thought was a stretched throttle cable, as I was having trouble delivering enough fuel to power the engine, and headed out. About 10 miles outside of the 465 loop, I start hearing a horrid noise coming from what I figured was my front left drive axle. I promptly drive to the shop and park it. Another call to IL and we decide on Thursday, as PFM said they’d need all of Wednesday to fix ‘er up. Thursday morning, with two new drive axles, AND a new throttle cable (that didn’t actually fix the acceleration problem) and I head out. Towards nightfall and about 2 miles from the exit I was to take to meet Jo, and I loose all engine power. I pull over, wait, and start her up again…..only to have it sputter and die. Yet another call to Jo and then one to roadside assistance. It’s late, and we drop it off at a fairly rural shop, then head literally 5 miles down the same road to her parent’s farm. At this point both myself and Jo are quite curious as to why the delays keep popping up everyday, and she is more than a bit hesitant to drive over 24 hours in this car that seems to not work well at all…..with a fellow whom she has only just met (but I was wearing a suit and top hat upon that initial meeting.)  A quick call to Bill out in MT and he states simply “…class starts now, you’re learning to relinquish control. You’ll be here by Saturday night.” That really helped ease our worries and after quite a bit of talking quite frankly that evening, and the next day, we both are settled into the thought of still driving out in the Omni. After holding that patient, trusting, open space day after day I am still anxious to hear from the mechanic, Herb. I say “one more half and hour, I’ll call at 1pm” and he calls at appx. 12:56. He not only tells me what he found was the problem, but that he just went ahead and fixed it already. The mounting bolts on the carb had loosened up and it was sucking more and more false air (hence to “throttle cable” problem too…) We head down the road, I pay him some cash, and he tells me that it’s one of the nicest (84) Dodge Omni’s he’s ever seen.

Hot Dog! Finally ready to roll. Both myself and Jo express what we feel was the benefit of all the delay and waiting, and most prominently, we were given the time and space to establish a comfortable relationship before spending that much time in a car with each other.

That’s the bulk of the story. In person, I may relay the Weiner Mobile encounters, and her mother’s initial discomfort with the idea of a stranger staying in her house being eased when she first saw me and thought that I looked like Jesus and was thusly relieved with my overnight presence.