CH3-CH2-O-CH2-CH3

I think you read this blog more to be in contact with me and my journey than to involve yourself with some of the content I put on here.

But you see, that which I am experiencing and learning here is not always what I feel comfortable sharing in such a general forum. I don’t feel like typing the story of stalking a mother deer and her three fawn in Glacier National Park, only to realize that she was letting me stalk her, within 5 feet (the fawn, however, were not having it); and then learning later that BM had not only stalked that same doe earlier, but then had her close the space between them to pet her. I don’t feel like typing it because it is hard for me to feel like I am giving the experience it’s due credit; and it is difficult to know that my timing is right, as I view the circumstances surrounding the delivery of the story as important as the events in the story itself sometimes. I have to choose what bits to take out of context and deliver here. But when I still don’t even know what exactly happened, and when I have dozens of pages in my journal regarding these past few weeks, I am at a loss for what to write here. The house fire and the ski incident-those were easy to write about. How do I share what the robin told me as it perched near me in my quest last week? Much of it I don’t feel like I need or want to share. If you really want to know what that robin said, then you too should go sit, for days need be, and you may very well find out. But what about the projects I’m completing or working on? If I wish to share it with you, then I want you to feel it, to really hold it and sense what may’ve gone into the creation. It is as medicine that I wish for you to taste, and a picture does not always allow for that sacredness. That’s one reason why my second bow has not appeared here. That is why my beaded medicine pipe bag is not pictured. As we know, it’s not so much the experience as it is the understandings gained that counts. So too is it the principals learned and skills honed that is at the heart of these teachings and skills, not so much the finished product itself. It is my goal to live my life in a way that illustrates what I learned here more than any picture could illustrate. This in itself requires much consideration and intention. How do I make a smooth transition from my life here to my life in Indy? It may still be easier to answer this question after a 6 month program rather than a week long course in NewJersey; but learning to keep that balance is still difficult. I am not necessarily looking forward to returning to 40 hour work week; as much as I love most everything about my job (particularly the folks I am around), I don’t love the requirements of being a month to month wage-slave. This capitalist system is not set up for following passionate impulses. There is a great part in the movie “The Great Dance” about a hunter/gatherer tribe in africa where a man is talking about how it is to live as a tracker (as they nearly all are) and he mentions that if you call on your friend to come over, or have a meeting planned, and on his way over he sees a set of fresh tracks, well….you’re not going to be seeing him that day. I want the freedom to get re-routed on the way to work, and not have to worry about it negatively affecting others. It seems to me that this is the natural way. That’s how this course has largely been run, and I want to bring that more fully into my daily life. That is why I am hesitant to be pegged down sometimes. As I get better at following inner urges and re-awakening my natural curiosity, I get worse at being “on time. ” But as my timeliness may worsen, my timing will get better. As Gandalf put it: “a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.” As tolerant as my employer is, I don’t think that this would be adequate reasoning. That being said, the program is coming to an end, the transition back home has begun.

Current Tunes: BeeGees “Love you Inside and Out”